When England Calls - (26 tracks)

by Bill Bates

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about

Special Edition origional CD collection with 26 original tracks. Includes serious songs and humorous songs. Download them all for free

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released January 3, 2012

All songs written by Bill Bates

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about

Bill Bates Royal Leamington Spa, UK

I am a Warwickshire based singer songwriter and I perform my songs in folk clubs and festivals. My songs are (almost) autobiographical and often about the ordinary things in life, such as caravan holidays, recycling and a song about a Mars Bar party (where people are supposed to have took their clothes off!) Some of my songs are funny, other songs are serious; either way I hope you like them! ... more

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Track Name: Sailing on the Tide
Sailing on the Tide

Board a ship and sail to sea
Mary will you marry me
And when I reach the shore
I’ll never go to sea no more
I will never go to sea no more

And when I come home to you
I promise to marry you
Buy a house for my love and me
I promise ne’er to go to sea
I promise ne-er to go to sea

Chorus

And I'm sailing on the tide
To come home to my love
Yes I am sailing on the tide
To come back home once more
To come back home once more

Cape Horn is a dreadful place
Wipes the smile clean from your face
We carry gold and we carry grain
To my love and back again
To my love and back again

Chorus

And I'm sailing on the tide
To come home to my love
Yes I am sailing on the tide
To come back home once more
To come back home once more

Repeat verse 1
Track Name: Nancy
Nancy

By Bill Bates

In deep dark mid-winter with snow falling fast,
I met up with Nancy a girl from my past
I asked, "Are you well" but, Nancy said "No"
So I offered her shelter from the snow

Poor little Nancy 'oh. Poor little Nancy 'oh

We entered my flat and turned up the heat
I slipped the shoes from her feet
We talked for a while and we reminisced
And a little while later I gave Nancy a kiss
Poor little Nancy 'oh. Poor little Nancy 'oh

I remember a time when our love was new
Dear Nancy so kind, our love was true
But she found another, and my world came to an end
Now in deep dark mid-winter
I just pretend

Poor little Nancy 'oh. Poor little Nancy 'oh

In deep dark mid-winter. With snow falling fast
I met up with Nancy. A girl from my past
Track Name: Warwickshire Boys
Warwickshire Boys

By Bill Bates

From Warwickshire's Grammar schools.
Came a thousand brave young men
All volunteers for the war
that turned children into men
They took the Kings shilling as
they donned their uniform
And marched out onto foreign fields.
From peace into a storm
I never knew, I never knew, I never knew you at all

The pride of all the working class
stood before the guns
A thousand men all in a line
a thousand mothers sons
They crossed the fields through smoke & gas
They watched their class mates fall
Just thirty three survived the day
from Warwickshire all
I never knew, I never knew, I never knew you at all

Middle 8
And as they crossed their lines.
They prayed to God a thousand times
They all fell in their lines.
All in a line, In a line, in a line, All in a line

From Warwickshire's Grammar schools
came a thousand brave young men
All volunteers for the war
that turned children into men
They took the Kings shilling as
they donned his uniform
And marched out onto foreign fields
from peace into a storm
Track Name: Miner
Miner

By Bill Bates

You'll never get me down the pit way down underground
Where sunshine never shows her face
and winds can not be found
You'll never see me with a pick in that godforsaken hole
You'll never get me down the mine digging up he coal

Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine
Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine

You'll never see me filling up
the wagons on the line
Where pony's pull their loaded trucks
in the godforsaken mine
You'll not have me cough up my lungs
and then spit out the black

I've been down there once before
and I'm never doing back
Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine
Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine

I don't want to be a pit boy in the coal industry
In the mill or railway well that’s the work for me
Sweating at the seam and blackening my soul
You'll never get me down the mine digging up the coal

Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine
Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine

God bless the working man who's working underground
God bless the miner who's fears cannot be found
God bless the unemployed man who's rotting on the dole
You'll never get me down the mine digging up the coal

Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine
Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine

Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine
Don't make me go down the mine dad
Don't make me go down the mine
Track Name: Storm
Storm

By Bill Bates

I once knew a young man.
All twisted up inside
He left his home and family.
The day his father died
He cursed the seas and seasons,
And everything he knew
He swore that he’d get even
And his anger grew and grew,
And his anger grew and grew

And on one drunken evening.
All consumed with pain
He staggered to the sea shore.
Cold from wind and rain
The thunder crashing over.
Sounds like the guns of war
And the waves just like his anger.
Crashing to the shore
Crashing to the shore

When the storm subsided.
And there came a change of tide
His anger had abated,
And his tears were dried
The waves became so calm now.
And the storm clouds blew away
And the memory of his father.
He wouldn’t change a day
No he wouldn’t change a day
Track Name: Sleaze
Sleaze

By Bill Bates

We sit in the House that sits on the Thames,
I keep my seat, I looked after my friends
Give me your vote when I’m town.
Give me cash to put your questions down

Sleaze. Sleaze

I live in a house at your expense.
Its all in the rules well that’s my defence
I sign papers that makes law,
If the money's enough I don’t care what its for

Sleaze, I’m talking sleaze, I’m talkin’ sleeeeze,

Put me up in a big hotel
Holidays girl and as well
Bring me your cash and you can lobby,
Who’s got some questions for this M.P..

I’m talkin’ sleaze, give me your money
I’m talkin’ sleaze I've got answers,
I’m talkin’ sleaze, sleaze

Middle 8

if I get caught will you cry for me?
Will you lie for me?…

Back in house I'm disgrace,
Caught in act – with smile face
Investigation - I face the sack,
A holiday n then I'll be back

Sleaze, give me your money,
I'm walking sleaze,
I’ve got the answers
I’m talking Sleaze, sleaze

And if I get caught would you fight for me?
Will you die for me?

Sleaze, give me your money,
I'm talking sleaze,
I’ve got the answers
I’m talking Sleaze
Track Name: I'm So Tired
I'm So Tiered

By Bill Bates

I’m so tiered I cant wait
For my head to hit the pillow
Of my bed my girlfriend said

I went out last night and I met you
You said you can kiss me if you wanted to

I’m so tiered I cant wait
For my head to hit the pillow
Of my bed my girlfriend said

You held my hand & you squeezed it tight
You asked me if I would stay the night

I’m so tiered I cant wait
For my head to hit the pillow
Of my bed my girlfriend said

Middle 8

And I’ve never met a girl like you before
I closed my eyes as you closed the door

I’m so tiered I cant wait
For my head to hit the pillow
Of my bed my girlfriend said
Track Name: Turning
Turning

by Bill Bates

If my dad knew I was a consultant
He would turn ten times in his grave
Earning money out of another man’s wages
He’s equate it to keeping a slave
For my dad, he had a conscience
A social awareness had he
A union man of the people
And a pillar o’ society

Turning, Turning, Turning. Turning

If my dad knew I was on commission
He’d surely wake from the dead
Earning money from another man’s grafting
He’d say I’d lost my head
For to rob a man of his wages
Would be an act so depraved
If me dad knew I was a consultant
He would turn ten times in his grave
In his grave

Turning, Turning, Turning. Turning

Would you steal bread from his table?
And food from the mouth of his kid
Would you take the cash from his pocket? ‘
because I recon that’s what you did
Would you rob him, and cheat and deceive him?
Is that how you should behave?
For to rob a man of his wages
He would turn ten times in his grave In his grave

Turning, Turning, Turning. Turning
Track Name: Sarajevo
Sarajevo

By Bill Bates

Hand raised in despair,
she cries out to those prepared to hear
Mother wipe away your tear
and sits upon the floor
Arms raised to the sky,
she sits and waits and wonders why
Children close their eyes and die
while the UN pass their door

Oooh, Oooh, SARAJEVO
Oooh, Oooh, SARAJEVO

"Safe now" the politicians said,
while sleeping safely in their bed
As Sarajevo streets run red
in a bloody civil war
Haven to those who believe,
the lies of those who deceive
Now all they've left to do is grieve
as Blue Berets pass their door

CHORUS

Middle 8
Do you see the things I see?
(Would you rather close your eyes now?)
Do you hear the things I hear?
(would you rather walk away now?)
Do you know the things I know
(would you rather disbelieve it?)


Hand raised in despair,
she cries out to those prepared to hear
Mother wipe away your tears
and fall upon the floor
Arms raised to the sky,
she sits and waits and wonders why
Children close their eyes and die
as the UN pass their door

Oooh, Oooh, SARAJEVO
Track Name: Going Down
Going Down

By Bill Bates

I’m sinking under water You know I’m in too deep
No chance for relaxation I have no time to sleep
The sharks are out to get me My chances are so slim
I’m sinking under water You know that I cant swim

No hands are there to help me To come to my rescue
I cant seem to find the answer Or where I’m running to
The water is still rising And I’m going down again
I’m sinking under water And you know that I cant swim

I’m going down
Going down
I’m going down again
I’m going down
Going down
I’m going down again

I can hear him coming As he stands outside my door
And I can hear the letters Falling to the floor
The pressure is still rising And I’m doing down again
I'm sinking underwater You know that I cant swim


I’m going down
Going down
I’m going down again
I’m going down
Going down
I’m going down again
Track Name: When England Calls
When England Calls

By Bill Bates

When men in scarlet come to town.
To beat their drums upon the crowd
To tell of heroes of renown.
To see the marching band
And as the sergeant waves his fist.
We find it harder to resist
To heed his calling to enlist .
To fight in a foreign land

When England calls, In her hour of need.
When soldiers fall, And young men bleed
When brave men die, Will you recall,
Will you be there, When England calls

And as they raise their flags up high,
For king and country come to die
Will you ask the question why?
As we're marching off to war
And as you run and join the crowd,
As the young men feel so proud
And their young wives cry so loud.
Like a thousand times before

When England calls, In her hour of need.
When soldiers fall, And young men bleed
When brave men die, Will you recall,
Will you be there, When England calls

When politicians come to town
To throw their lies upon the crowd
And the truth cannot be found,
To lay your life upon the ground
Will you be there?
Will you be there?
Will you be there?
When England calls
Track Name: Breaking the Chains
Braking the Chains

by Bill Bates

They called her Mrs whiplash,
though her real name was Jill
She’d once been a beauty,
Oh, her looks could kill
But now she was retiring,
she had had her fill
she was moving to the sea
She'd broke the chains that bound her
and thrown away the key

She packed her Gucci suitcase,
that she'd filled to the brim
And tucked away her tickets,
She was ready to begin
Then she slipped on her stilettos,
and gave a little grin
It always hurts to say goodbye.
She almost had a tear in her eye

AND SHE WASN’T BEING CRUEL OR UNKIND
SHE BROKE THE CHAINS THAT BOUND HER
AND LEFT THEM ALL BEHIND

She’d popped into see Peter,
A client for many years
And she almost changed her mind,
when they both broke down in tears
She said she understood him,
When he spoke about his fears
He had always been a pain,
They held each other tightly
'till he started to complain

AND SHE WASN’T BEING CRUEL OR UNKIND
SHE BROKE THE CHAINS THAT BOUND HER
AND LEFT THEM ALL BEHIND

She said goodbye to Norman
for they’d once they’d tied the knot
And so long to Simon
a man who liked things hot
And a special hug for Hugo
who shed loved a lot
She’d been very fond
of his lasting affection
and their special bond

AND SHE WASN’T BEING CRUEL OR UNKIND
SHE BROKE THE CHAINS THAT BOUND HER
AND LEFT THEM ALL BEHIND


Terry he was tied up,
when she popped in to say hello
she said that she was leaving
and he begged her not to go
She said that she was sorry
but she wasn’t don’t you know
He took it on the chin
But all she had was pity for his lack of discipline
Track Name: Conspiracy
The Conspiracy song
By Bill Bates

Did they land on the moon on the 20th June?
Or did they film it in the middle of nowhere?
And Neil Armstrong did he know along, that NASA wasn’t planning to go there?
Were the landing a fake? Did they make mistake?
Realising that it wouldn’t be easy
Did the module crash?
Did they run out of cash?
Or did they find out the moon was all cheesy?

ITS A CONSPIRACY,
THAT'S JUST MY THEORY.
IT’S ALL A CONSPIRACY

Did a U.F.O.
crash in new Mexico,
In Roswell all those years ago?
Is there a dead alien
that they’re keeping for fun?
Did he stop here just to say “hello”?
On a military base - crashing from outer space
Did they pull the body from destruction?
Had he planned to invade, on a lone crusade,
Or was he trying to do an abduction?

ITS A CONSPIRACY,
THAT'S JUST MY THEORY.
IT’S ALL A CONSPIRACY

I don’t know why
they killed Lady Di,
in a tunnel over in France
Out on the road E with her boyfriend Dodi
They never stood a chance
In the under pass with their foot on the gas
With the paparazzi following crazy
Was it MI5 that didn’t want her alive?
Did they find she was having his baby?

ITS A CONSPIRACY,
THAT'S JUST MY THEORY.
IT’S ALL A CONSPIRACY

Did the CIA, kill JFK?
Was 9/11 planned all along?
Did the twin-towers collapse?
Or pulled down perhaps?
Did a plane hit the Pentagon?
Are we being controlled and turned into Trolls?
Are the CIA friends with Bin Larden?
Did Elvis survive?
Is Michael Jackson alive.
Are there fairies at the bottom of my garden?

ITS A CONSPIRACY,
THAT'S JUST MY THEORY.
IT’S ALL A CONSPIRACY
Track Name: Man Flu Song
Man Flu Song

By Bill bates

It was one morning – without warning
When I woke up – feeling hot
I was achy, a little shaky,
and my head was full snot
I was drowsy, feeling lousy
and I don’t no what to do
I’m freezing, I’m sneezing, 101 degreesing
Oh I think I’ve got man flu

Oh, no! oh, no! (atchoo!!!)
Now I'm aching from my head to toe
How I've caught it - I don’t know,
Its no wonder that I feel so low
Oh please! oh please! (atchoo!!!),
Can’t you see that I'm on my knees
Now I've got this very strange disease.
I’m a goner – yes I know

My nose runny
Its not funny
In fact it’s quite a blow….
I wont pretensa
Its influenza
I’m feeling awful don’t you know
I’m getting grimmer
from limb to limb-er
Oh should I say Adieu?
I’m sweating
I'm fretting
You ought to get the vet in
Yes , I think that its man flu

Oh, no! oh, no! (atchoo!!!)
Now I'm aching from my head to toe
How I've caught it - I don’t know,
Its no wonder that I feel so low
Oh please! oh please! (atchoo!!!),
Can’t you see that I'm on my knees
Now I've got this very strange disease.
I’m a goner – yes I know

I’m feeling prickly , you know I’m sickly
Oh I can’t get it off my chest
My systems crashing, the lights are flashing
I’ll just lay here – I need my rest
I'm in a spiral, I think its viral
Oh-what-I say-is - true
I’m sinking, I’m shrinking,
I know I've started stinking
Because I think I’ve got Man Flu

Oh, no! oh, no! (atchoo!!!)
Now I'm aching from my head to toe
How I've caught it - I don’t know,
Its no wonder that I feel so low
Oh please! oh please! (atchoo!!!),
Can’t you see that I'm on my knees
Now I've got this very strange disease.
I’m a goner – yes I know

Make me a potion, rub on some lotion
Fetch the doctor – make it quick
I need curing – re-assuring
I’ve got a fever –I’m filling sick
Use a hanky – no hanky-panky
Oh, I've got an aching head
If your chilly and your ill (ee)
You’d better pop a pill (ee)
and spend the day in bed

Oh, no! oh, no! (atchoo!!!)
Now I'm aching from my head to toe
How I've caught it - I don’t know,
Its no wonder that I feel so low
Oh please! oh please! (atchoo!!!),
Can’t you see that I'm on my knees
Now I've got this very strange disease.
I’m a goner – yes I know
Track Name: Shaddows
Shadows

By Bill Bates

Your standing on the corner, of my street
Just inside the doorway, trying to be discreet
You turn to follow me – you know that I can see

You hear the desperation in my voice
There’s no hesitation, you say you have no choice
Your hang around my place, you surround my space

Your in the shadows ooooooh in the shadows
In the shadows oooooh Your in the shadows

You hear my conversations on the telephone
I’m in your imagination when your on your own,
Your watching me tonight, I know I’m in your sight

You know I’ve changed my number and my name
Re arranged my world but back you came

Doctors say that you do not exist Paranoid said the physiatrist
You just follow me. Because I can see

In the shadows (your my infatuation)
In the shadows (in my imagination)
In the shadows (I'm in desperation)
In the shadows (your fascination)
In the shadows (where's my medication)
Track Name: Martha
Martha

Meeting a bloke had become a joke
for Martha an old friend of mine.
She didn’t know how to catch a man now
at the tender age of 59
Then someone said,
they got a man into bed,
without wasting too much of their time
The agency,
that really helped me
was "Dating for us on Line"

She said "Oh oh.........." AND HE SAID "Oh oh.........."

Well she made the call
and in no time at all
She’d got her on-line profile made
She couldn't tell the truth
about her lack of youth,
her height and what she weighed

So just for fun
she said she was 41
and only 10 stone 2 still in her prime
she said five foot ten
there she went and lied again
To "Dating for us on Line"

She said "Oh oh.........." AND HE SAID "Oh oh.........."

Two weeks came and went
she tried not to resent
Why no one had emailed her to say "hello"
Then in her inbox come
a man who was 51
He sounded quiet alright, don't you know
Six foot four in height,
she wouldn't put up a fight
He liked eating out and good wine
She pressed reply
she'd give him a try
with "Dating for us on Line"

She said "Oh oh.........." AND HE SAID "Oh oh.........."

The agency knew
how to choose a rendezvous
all romantic, just beside the lake
and Martha wasn’t shy
and she hadn’t meant to lie
but she said
there must be some mistake
her date was there as well
with a rose in his lapel
but he was only 4 foot nine!
she was in disarray
she knew what she would say
To "Dating for us on Line"

She said "Oh oh.........." AND HE SAID "Oh oh.........."

Now she had to admit
that she had also lied a bit
And both of them were equally to blame
and standing in his suit
she thought that he looked cute
And going home would be such a shame
They went down the pub
sat down and had some grub
And Martha smiled as she sipped her wine
well she thanked the Lord
for she knew that she had scored –
With "Dating for us on Line"

She said "Oh oh.........." AND HE SAID "Oh oh.........."
She said "Oh oh.........." AND HE SAID "Oh oh.........."
She said "Oh oh.........." AND HE SAID "Oh oh.........."
Track Name: My Wife's Cookin'
My Wife's Cookin'

By Bill Bates

My wife is no good at cooking, Our breakfast is always black
And you’d be amazed to see my bacon ablaze
She’d even set fire to a snack
And when I sit at at the kitchen table
And elevens is all we desire
I give a cough, the smoke alarm goes off
And she sets my grub on fire

My wife, my wife, is cooking, but she’s cooking for me

Lunch is too much to ask for,
she insists on everything “well done”
She don’t know what it means to eat French cuisine
She burns salad just for fun
And dinner is always eventful,
she’d tell you she’s worked hard and toiled
The potatoes are chard, the pasta is scared
And my eggs are always hard boiled

My wife, my wife, is cooking, but she’s cooking for me

Supper could be risotto
or macaroni would be ever so nice
But they all look a site when the saucepans alight
and the wok is stuck to the rice
She’d ruin roast lamb or pork chop,
she’d spoil pastry or pie
When you see what’s to follow,
it gets hard to swallow
Jamie Oliver would just lay down and cry

My wife, my wife, is cooking, but she’s cooking for me

Her lasagna tastes like rubber,
and so does her black chocolate cake
Her fried aborigines, taste like an old pair of jeans
What I’d give for chips and rare steak
She once ruined a pot noodle,
She’s messed up bake beans and mash
Her grill makes me cringe as her sausages singe
She turn a frankfurter to ash

My wife, my wife, is cooking, but she’s cooking for me

God knows what she’d do to a curry,
Her goulash would be an ordeal
She’s incinerate, everything on your plate
there’s a fire engine outside my house every meal
But I don’t want you to think I’m winging,
I’d put up with her any day
Although her cooking is glum,
she’s far better than her mum
Track Name: The Other Side (Part II)
The Other Side (Part II)

The Other Side

By Bill Bates

I went out, one Sunday morning, went down to the shops & I heard a man there say
Hey, Bill, do you ant you’d Sunday paper?
And I said “No, I’ll try something different today.”

Saw a man, not from this country. Not from this universe as far as I could tell.
I said, “Hi”. And he said “How you doing”?
And I said, “Hey, I’m doing really well!”

And Hey, You, from the other side of the road
You look so different to me.
And Hey, You, from the other side of the road
You’re not so different to me.

(Funky!)

Hey, Girl, you’ve got on you’re burka That’s OK, if that’s what you want to wear.
Hey, man, No need to go berserker And if you do, I don’t really care!

And Hey, You, from the other side of the road
You look so different to me.
And Hey, You, from the other side of the road
You’re not so different to me.
“That’s funky music”

Hey man, I’m a Funky Folky, I like to sing – funky folky songs
Hey you if you like you folky music I think you should try to sing along

Chorus

Walking down the street, you’ve got different clothes on
You don’t look the same, as the other people do
But I wont judge you, by the things you’re wearing
Man, he’s just the same as me and you!

Choris

I’m fading out now Really fading out now (kow)
Fading out this funky music
“Fading out this funky music! (high)
Track Name: Never Cried Out
Never Cried Out

By Bill Bates

You were bigger than me.
As we met up in the yard
watched by my school friends,
You had summoned me,
To a fight to the finish,
or at least until the school break ends
And as I lay there bleeding,
I thought that I had won
But I never cried out,
and I never complained,
I wish we could meet again

You were stronger than me,
As you held my arm so tight behind my back
You had threatened me
And my head was pounding
and I thought I’d have a heart attack
And as I lay there bleeding,
I hoped that I had won

But I never cried out,
and I never complained,
I wish we could meet again

Middle 8
But now I’m older, it don’t bother me
Oh, how I tried, the tears that I cried,
those sleepless nights,
But it don’t bother me
No, it don’t bother me

I drove my car,
and as you crossed the road you were lit up by headlights
I never touched the breaks
And I heard you screaming
as I drove off in the pale moon light
And as you lay there bleeding
I knew that I had won

But I never cried out,
and I never complained,
I wish we could meet again

You were bigger than me
Track Name: Caravan Song (Live)
Caravan Song (Live)

By Bill Bates

A three mile drive down a one way track
I steer my car with a caravan on the back
I find the pitch and then the sky goes black
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

A slope so steep that the goats avoid
I must be getting paranoid
And I stop myself from getting annoyed
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

Two weeks away
To ease the stress
But the look of things
I wont have much success
I cant even send an SOS
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

Take out the awning that I brought that day
and I watch the instructions fly away
A fine way to start my holiday
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

Electric’s soon cut off at the mains
Scared out of my wits by low flying planes
I knew we should have had 2 weeks in Spain
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

Its really hell
In this abode
666 must be my post-code
Then the porta-potty explode
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

The road looks like a moat
The caravan has started to float
The bloody thing it thinks it’s a boat
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

For thousands miles
I've towed my van
from Portishead to Pakistan
and for just once I’d like get tan
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

We’ve camped next-door nuclear site
The farmer insisted that the beach was alright
A 3 headed sheep kept us awake all night
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down

There's army manoeuvres in the field door
more water inside than there is outdoors
I can’t take it anymore
oh the wind is howling
gusting, thrusting,
blowing, snowing
breezing freezing,
lightning flashing
thunder crashing
And the wind is howling
And the rain came down
Track Name: Re-Cycle Song (Live)
Recycling Song

By Bill Bates

I’m an environmental person
More friendly than Al Gore
I’ve recycled everything I've had and then recycled more
I put my bottles in the bottle bank
Rrecycle my magazines
Then turn them it into toilet rolls
So even my bottoms green

But I won't recycle you
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
I won't recycle you

I’ve a Solar powered TV that don’t work when the weathers dull
My car runs on fertilizer and I keep the tank quite full
I’ve a Wind farm in my garden
And my compost is no trouble
And my clothes and shoes and hats
are all biodregrada-bubble

But I won't recycle you
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
I won't recycle you

I’ve reduced my carbon footprint
My emissions are off-set
My light bulbs save me energy
but I wont fly in a jet
I’ve seen the seen ice caps melting
and the hurricanes a-storming
But this summer I’ll be buggered if I've seen any global warmin’

But I won't recycle you
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
I won't recycle ....

Middle 8
All polar bears and dolphins
they’ll soon disappear
and soon there will be no more fishin’
And we’ll start to moan when there ain't no more ozone
if we don’t reduce our co2 emisshin


You might think song is rubbish
But it shouldn’t go to waste
For that would be ironic
When I’m trying to save human race
You can take as the words and use them all again
For that would be re-cycling
and the earth would stay your friend


But I won't recycle you
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
I won't recycle you
Track Name: Car Boot Song (Live)
Car Boot Song

by Bill Bates

Yesterday my children had lots of toys to play
now those toys have all gone away car
I car booted them yesterday
Suddenly, I’ve got loads money
I got 3 pounds daughters bunny she didn’t funny

Why it had to go well you know
The bills we could’nt pay
She said, don't sell dad you'll make sad yesterday

My wife’s best dress, I always thought looked mess
Someone offered me £5 and I said yes
Where now is anyone’s guess! (back)


I sold a 3 poster bed – a machine for making bread
A Barbie Doll without head –
My pet hamster who was dead

We sold all our trash turned it into cash
we were doin’ OK
We made – loads of loot at our car boot - Yesterday

Oh help me mate -
I sold my wife's thing that did vibrate
The women who brought it was in such state
She rushed home couldn’t wait

I sold loads of JUNK/ Our family game of Kerplunk
Some clothes I wore when I was a punk
Some old socks that really stunk

Why it ALL - had to go, well you know
What can you say?
We - had - to clear our debt
I WAS SO UPSET!!!! yesterday

What have done? I’ve gone and sold my only son
But recon I’ve been done
I could have got £2 and I only got one

Why he had to go, well know, wouldn't play.
He said don't sell me dad wasn't bad - yesterday

Yesterday - I did car boot supplement pay sold wife kids walked away
I car booted them yesterday.
Track Name: Mars Bar Party (Live)
Mars Bar Party

By Bill Bates

I was feeling fine when a friend of mine
invited me out for the night
He said “Come with me down to the pub
and I’ll see that you get on alright"
After a drink and a bit of a think
we were feeling hearty
It was only then explained going Mars Bar Party

The host fat mind but I didn’t mind that
And she invited me to sit on a chair
All guests were scantily dressed
but nobody seemed to care
The video was rude and there wasn’t any food
The music was rather Motzarty
I wondered what it would be like

Later on I was feeling good when I heard a wrapper tearing
I looked around and saw a lass and saw what she was wearing
she took out a Mars and bless my stars
what she did was rather tarty
I was amazed how people behaved
at my very first Mars Bar Party

All guests they got undressed
and all revealed their sweets
Someone unwrapped a Yorky Bar
and another packet of Treats
I sat on a mat with a big Kit Kat
and a women who was rather Arty
She gave off smell like Caramel
at my very first Mars Bar Party

There was Munchy, Crunchy, Lion Bar
all of Cadburys on disply
A girl on own with Toblerone
And a bloke with a Milky Way
I was feeling sick with a big Picnic
and a lass wearing high lass Karate
I wondered what heck going on
at my very first Mars Bar Party

One greedy he was no bloke joke
when he revealed a Twix
A guy with a boost was being seduced
by a lass from Pick & Mix n Mix
A lass with red knickers,
played with a Snickers
but me I was feeling me Smarty
I had Cadburys Cream Egg all over my leg
At mr very first Mars Bar Party

A High Court Judge playedi with a fudge
he had a willie to make me weep
And Farmer Giles had travelled for miles
He was bonkin’ a chocolate sheep
A women with a list ate a Toffee Crisp
Oh, she almost broke my hearty
I was having good time
At my very first Mars Bar Party

I was up all night with a Turkish Delight
But she left me after 8
She was posher Ferr Rocher
I found it hard to concentrate
I had go with a Minty Aero
but mint it makes me farty
Which didn't go didn’t go down all that well
At my very first Mars Bar Party

There man from bank was having a xxxx

A women did strip with a Whirl Nut Whip
I think her name was Shirley
And my mate Mick was feeling sick
Because his is a Curley Wirly
I had to stare – at chocolate “E” Claire –
she been with my mate Marty
He must have put on half a stone
At my very first mars Bar Party

There was a heck crowd and the music was loud
It was getting late into the night
Someone said they took a Topic to bed
Because they got 2 nuts in every bite
I’d enough I was feeling rough
So I had to departyy
Now I'm quiet and I'm on a diet
After my first Mars Bar Party
Track Name: Gypsy Rose Lee (Live)
Gypsy Rose Lee

By Bill Bates

I met girl called Rosey Lee
in a Gypsy in caravan
I asked her tell my fortune
would happy man?
She said "Cross my palm with silver
And I promise to impress
If you haven’t got any silver
I take American Express"

Do you want to know the future
Do you see the things I see
If you want to know the future
Ask Gypsy Rose Lee

She got out her crystal ball
she knew the things I do
She knew my allergy
to head & shoulders shampoo
she looked into her crystal ball
I asked “What can you see”?
“I can see a Mars Bar”
said Gipsy Rose a - Lee

Do you want to know the future
Do you see the things I see
If you want to know the future
Ask Gypsy Rose Lee

Would I have long life?
Or would I go insane
After singing here
will I ever get booked again?
she toolmy hand and looked at me
and then my palm was red
You will down very well at the XXXXXX folk festival
was what the Gipsy said

Next she tried her healing hands
she said she'd heal my pain
It didn't hurt where it touched
But I’m not one to complain
She seemed disappointed
But I was no good at all
She said "Bill I am a Medium
but yr definitely a small”

Do you want to know the future
Do you see the things I see
If you want to know the future
Ask Gypsy Rose Lee

She could see the future,
This Gipsy Rose a - Lee
So I asked the numbers on the Euro lottery
She looked me with staring eyes
And I waited for her plan
She said if I could do that
Would I be living in a caravan?

Do you want to know the future
Do you see the things I see
If you want to know the future
Ask Gypsy Rose Lee