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My Wife's Cookin'

from When England Calls - (26 tracks) by Bill Bates

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This is a song about Louise's cooking. Unlike my other songs - not a work of this is true!!!!!! (Or is it???) :-)

lyrics

My Wife's Cookin'

By Bill Bates

My wife is no good at cooking, Our breakfast is always black
And you’d be amazed to see my bacon ablaze
She’d even set fire to a snack
And when I sit at at the kitchen table
And elevens is all we desire
I give a cough, the smoke alarm goes off
And she sets my grub on fire

My wife, my wife, is cooking, but she’s cooking for me

Lunch is too much to ask for,
she insists on everything “well done”
She don’t know what it means to eat French cuisine
She burns salad just for fun
And dinner is always eventful,
she’d tell you she’s worked hard and toiled
The potatoes are chard, the pasta is scared
And my eggs are always hard boiled

My wife, my wife, is cooking, but she’s cooking for me

Supper could be risotto
or macaroni would be ever so nice
But they all look a site when the saucepans alight
and the wok is stuck to the rice
She’d ruin roast lamb or pork chop,
she’d spoil pastry or pie
When you see what’s to follow,
it gets hard to swallow
Jamie Oliver would just lay down and cry

My wife, my wife, is cooking, but she’s cooking for me

Her lasagna tastes like rubber,
and so does her black chocolate cake
Her fried aborigines, taste like an old pair of jeans
What I’d give for chips and rare steak
She once ruined a pot noodle,
She’s messed up bake beans and mash
Her grill makes me cringe as her sausages singe
She turn a frankfurter to ash

My wife, my wife, is cooking, but she’s cooking for me

God knows what she’d do to a curry,
Her goulash would be an ordeal
She’s incinerate, everything on your plate
there’s a fire engine outside my house every meal
But I don’t want you to think I’m winging,
I’d put up with her any day
Although her cooking is glum,
she’s far better than her mum

credits

from When England Calls - (26 tracks), released January 3, 2012

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about

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Bill Bates Royal Leamington Spa, UK

I am a Warwickshire based singer songwriter and I perform my songs in folk clubs and festivals. My songs are (almost) autobiographical and often about the ordinary things in life, such as caravan holidays, recycling and a song about a Mars Bar party (where people are supposed to have took their clothes off!) Some of my songs are funny, other songs are serious; either way I hope you like them! ... more

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